Sticks, Sand And Screwdriver Etiquette
by shadow243ali
Summary: It wasn’t as if it was actually his fault. How exactly was he to know that his attempt to once again save the world would end in him accidentally blowing up the house of the president.


**AN: I started this story ages ago, and had the urge to finish it about half an hour ago. I had originally planned a multi-chapter fic, got bored, and decided to change it into a oneshot because multi-chapter fics never end well for me. Hope you enjoy...**

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The Doctor heaved a sigh as he dragged the heavy bag along the ground behind him. Rose Tyler, his ever faithful and at the moment sweaty companion, walked beside him, glaring at him silently in contempt at how he had gotten her – them – into this situation.

It wasn't as if it was actually his fault. He had been innocent to the proceeding events. How exactly was he to know that his attempt to once again save a world would end in him accidentally – and he stressed that word repeatedly to Rose and their newfound jailers to disbelieving looks – blowing up the house of the president of the land.

Thankfully no one was hurt, injured, maimed, killed nor had accidentally slipped on a banana. Only the house had been blown to smithereens in a sense. In fact, a lot of the items and furnishings had been salvageable. They also happened to be part of the items he and Rose had been forced to drag all the way to the Presidents new home – his replacement home because of course, the President would have an extra house just in case - as punishment for the little 'accident' he had caused.

Really, when had people become so picky over blowing up an odd item – building – here or there? They should be thankful that no one was injured, but were they thankful? No! And now he was the one on the verge of being the one injured. His poor back wasn't used to the strain of carrying – in his case, dragging – heavy objects around. Nor was Rose for that matter but did they care about that fact? Not a chance, not a fat chance, if he was honest.

The Doctor glanced over to a still glaring Rose and he gave her an apologetic look. Sighing, he looked around at his surrounding instead, hoping for some sort of relief from the awkward silence. He was never good with silence, more so in this body. He had always found that he was a talkative soul. Why spend your days in silence when you can talk with somebody instead? He was lucky to have the chance to Rose, he had a knack for losing his companions but Rose was practically stuck to him like paper to glue – if you ignored her perchance for wandering off on occasion - and he was thankful for that fact. The only unfortunate thing was the guard who was walking a little bit ahead of them, making sure they didn't try to make a run for it.

Deciding it was time to get the silence out of the way, he decided to once again try and get Rose talking to him. He really did hate it when she was mad at him.

"Rose?" He turned his head to her, flashing her a grin. She remained silent so he tried once again, "Rose?" She turned to look at him, "You know, I am sorry." He stuck on his best 'Please forgive me' look as he spoke, "Really _really_ sorry." He stressed out his voice, adding a pout. Rose face softened. "You know I never meant for this to happen and if I could carry your stuff for you then I would."

Rose laughed, "You'd probably fall under the weight of this stuff."

He smiled at her, glad that she was once again talking to him, "Yeah," He agreed, "I'd be flattened by the weight of it, and that wouldn't be good for either of us."

"Can you actually get any thinner?"

"Oi! Woah!" He attempted to raise his finger at her in warning, but the bag he had been dragging along came to an abrupt stop at the loss of strength and he almost was pulled back with the momentum of his forward movement. The only thing that saved him from falling over was his converse's ability to grip at the ground. Once he was safely steady once more on solid ground, he heard the sound of Rose laughing. He looked up at her, a hand covering her mouth as she bent over giggling at him, "That was not funny." He said, attempting to maintain some decorum of dignity after his unintentional attempt at slapstick.

She looked up at him and merely laughed harder in response.

The Doctor turned his head away from her and was about to continue the art of heavy dragging once more when a sight caught his eye. Standing under the two Peruvian suns stood the Tardis in all its unguarded glory.

The smile on the Doctor's face widened, and he nudged Rose who turned to raise an eyebrow at him. He pointed at the guard in front of him, then he brought the finger to his lips and mouthed 'ssh' which caused Rose to roll her eyes at him in response. He nudged her again to get her attention and dramatically pointed at the Tardis while practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and Rose smiled at the sight of their familiar home.

He leaned in close to her and whispered, "Run for it?"

"Definitely." She gave him a grin to match his own, dropped the stuff she had been carrying and quickly grabbed his outstretched hand.

Together, hand in hand, they made their way past the unsuspecting guard and towards their blue box. After a few moments, their captor let out a surprised 'Hey!' - Although without the Tardis translator it would've came out as more of a 'Rgireeggh!' – And the sound of oncoming footsteps mixed into the pounding beats of their own.

"My legs are killing me!" Rose shouted, as they quickened up their pace.

"Ah, let's you know you're alive!" The Doctor shouted back, taking a quick glance behind his shoulder to see the guard was fast approaching. He reached over and grabbed Rose's hand in his, dragging her with him as he moved as fast as he could move. Using his free hand he dug out the sonic screwdriver, quickly changed the setting, aimed for the guard behind him – as best he could without looking back – and pressed the button.

A pocketful of sand exploded underneath the guard's feet, knocking him backwards with the force of it. He landed haphazardly ten feet back from where he had stood when the explosion occurred, leaving the guard confused at what had just happened.

The Doctor took the opportunity to grab the Tardis key from his pocket, placing the sonic screwdriver in his now clenched teeth just in case as he sped to a stop in front of the blue box he called home.

"Hurry up!" Rose shouted from his side.

"I'm trying." He shouted back, fumbling with the key. His shout came out more like 'Mimmm tirrrnng" thanks to the screwdriver lodged between his teeth.

He finally managed to turn the key, shouting out a "Ferenaallie" in the process, which roughly translated as "Finally!"

They slammed the door shut behind them, leaning against it with all their weight just in time to hear the sound of a body slamming against it.

"Whrell, whararht werhent whrell." The Doctor mumbled, still with the sonic clamped in his teeth.

Rose turned to look at him, her mouth hanging open in a state of perplex, "What?" she asked, desperately seeking for clarification on his recent bout of nonsensical mumblings.

He opened his mouth, letting his sonic fall into his now open palm. Smiling with the enthusiasm of accomplishment only a child – and apparently a time lord – could must, he turned to Rose and said, "I said 'Well, that went well.'" Honestly Rose you'd think after almost two years together you'd be able to distinguish clearly my words."

"You had a sonic screwdriver in your mouth when you were speaking though."

He shook his head, tutting as he wandered towards the time rotor, "That is no excuse." He said, ignoring the pounding of fists against the door of the TARDIS as he flipped a lever, springing the time rotor to life with a pulsing green. He straightened suddenly, "Oh!" He said, a grin pushing at the edges of his already defined smile, "I have an idea!"

Rose rolled her eyes, "Never a good thing then." She deadpanned. She grinned at him, tongue sticking out from teeth as she let out a light laugh at his expression.

"Oi! Cheeky! You should have your mother wash your mouth out with-" He paused, the image of Jackie entering his mind. He let out a sigh. "Oh never mind. That wouldn't do any good...Now where was I?"

He took a moment to contemplate.

"You had an idea." Rose shouted, over the sound of the TARDIS.

He smiled, "Oh yes, I need to teach you the skills of sonic screwdriver etiquette."

"Such as?" Rose suggested, curious more than anything else as to what exactly 'sonic screwdriver etiquette' meant.

"Well..." He scratched the back of his head, making a face, "There's...uh...understanding people who talk with a sonic screwdriver in their mouths...and there's...uh...other...stuff..."

Rose smiled, "Such as?"

He looked tongue-tied, and Rose resisted the strong urge to laugh. It wasn't every day the Doctor got stumped. "Well, just, you know, stuff. Screwdriver stuff. The...uh...stuff you can't...uh, learn on the streets? That stuff!"

"Oh that stuff?" She asked, faux wonder coating her tone.

"Yes, that stuff." The Doctor looked down suddenly at the screen as it gave off a beeping sound. He frowned.

Looking over his shoulder, Rose asked, "What is it?"

"We've got baggage."

"Someone's holding on to the TARDIS?" She asked incredulously.

She didn't think it was possible. Hadn't the Doctor mentioned during one of his long lectures of the in-and-outs-of-time-travel – although why she needed to know this stuff when he refused to teach her how to actually time travel in the TARDIS, she would never know – that no one would survive travelling through the time vortex without protection; something the TARDIS offered in abundance.

"No. Worse." He replied, garnishing a frown from Rose. "We've got actual baggage." He sighed. "I'll go get the stick."

And with that Rose watched him venture off to return five minutes later with an actual stick. It was in actuality a broom, but the Doctor had with much difficulty accidently pulled the head off the broom and in return had squarely hit himself in the nose.

"Ow!" He whined, swatting Rose's hand away from his now swollen nose.

"Oh stop being such a baby!" Rose replied, as she gently prodded it. The Doctor winced. "If my mum saw you-"

"Firstly Rose," The Doctor began, interrupting his companion, "It hurts. A lot. Secondly, you mum would never see this and she never will because if she ever did then all she would ever do would be to laugh Rose." He pouted, when a smirk tugged at the edge of Rose's mouth, "I wouldn't laugh if it were you." He reprimanded and Rose had the decency to look guilty for a few sparing seconds.

"I know, but you've got to admit it was funny."

"It was more painful than funny from my perspective." retorted the Doctor.

"Aw..." She said with a sympathetic smile, "Poor Doctor. You want me to kiss it better?" His cheeks tinted red, embarrassment flushing them as Rose bent forward to kiss the tip of his slightly swollen nose. "There." She said with a smile. "All better."

Rose quickly moved away, and picked up the stick, moving towards the doors. There was baggage that needed prodding after all.

From behind her, the Doctor's voice echoed, hauntingly far away from his own thoughts, "All better." He whispered, "All better..."

The End

**AN: My ending's a little bit...odd, I know. I wanted to end it a little oddly. Well, review if you enjoyed...**


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